Introduction
A biker is a dangerous-looking man (XXXL in size) with a thick moustache and fully-grown beard, wearing a black leather jacket, donning a pair of slick sunglasses, and fingers covered in metal skull rings. He rides a huge black Harley Davidson motorcycle that makes a thunderous exhaust note as if Thor himself has landed from the sky. Look at the photo below, yeah that's what I am talking about.
In a parallel world, a superbiker shows up in a body-hugging tight leather riding suit. His dress is so fit that it literally shows the shape of his (not heart but) private possessions. Like a fashion model in a skin-tight dress, you could literally see every contour of his figure. Whenever this rider sees a crowd noticing his big bike, he pulls the throttle harder and zooms ahead into the future.
When he accelerates, his superbike's exhaust makes a loud screeching sound as if he grabbed a ghost by its neck. And, around corners, he leans and hangs on the side clinging to his bike as if he is making love to it. Look at the image below, yeah that's what I am talking about.
Ahem, Ahem! Let's pause our imagination for a bit and read the actual description of a biker. Dictionary.com defines a 'biker' as anyone who rides a bicycle or motorcycle.
The Urban Dictionary website quotes the infamous motorcycling group—Hells Angels of United States—to define the term 'biker.' It sums up a biker as anyone who rides a bike, be it for pleasure or commuting, who shouldn't be messed up with. I am not sure about the last part, it sounds as if bikers are thug-like.😐
If you look online, you'll find 100s of different definitions and articles on the definition of a biker. Ask 100 bikers, and you shall get 1000 different opinions on who should be considered a true biker.
However, truth be told, life cannot be defined and understood by definitions. It is to be lived and experienced, which is why everyone views motorcycling from his or her own experiences. Therefore, the definition of a biker could vary for every individual.
Types of bikers (at least in India)
The idea behind this article is not to find one universal definition of a true biker and label the rest as losers. Although, subconsciously, one may have his or her own biases towards the definition of a real biker.
Let's explore some of the most common types of bikers people tend to relate to in India.
The Leh'd biker
The ultimate dream of a biker—at least in Northern India— is to complete the Leh-Ladakh-Manali circuit and own the tag "been there, done that." In fact, I have met many riders from Southern India who ride all the way to the North just to visit the breathtaking landscapes of Ladakh. Just like we have the phrase 'US-return', many expect a 'real biker' to be 'Ladakh-return' or in other words, 'got Leh'd.'
In my experience, the notion that every true biker must have visited Ladakh is often found in people who are unfamiliar with the motorcycling universe. I often get this curious question—from girls/women and young boys—whether I have visited Leh-Ladakh on my bike.
It's not because they think that every biker ought to visit Ladakh, but they have this idea from social media that every biker with a fancy bike and riding gear goes to the exotic land of Ladakh with breathtaking mountains and landscapes (minus the oxygen).
Khardung La pass in Ladakh
Of course, there are those riders who would not consider you to be a true biker, only because you haven't gone to the highest motorable road on the planet and taken a selfie at the peak. Anyhow, it is a privilege to get Leh'd that too on a motorcycle.
The Royal Enfield Bullet (bullt) biker
I do not even know where to begin. Whenever I think about Royal Enfield (RE) Bullt or Bullet, I think about loha (iron), Bronze Age technology from 2000 BC, frequent breakdowns, loud sound (but slow speeds), and machismo men (who are high on ego and low on budget). Okay, enough of the generalizing. In fact, I always wanted to own a Royal Enfield Classic bike myself. I almost booked it once but backed off due to reliability concerns as I am a long-haul rider and reliability is absolutely a must for me. However, I've been told that the new-age RE bikes are reliable.
When I think about first-time RE buyers who are young and fresh out of college, getting an RE bike is like hitting that neighborhood gym for the first time. For many youngsters, their first gym is an aspirational institution through which they take their first step towards manhood, which includes bulging muscles, six-pack abs and finding the divine path to desirable women. Similarly, a Royal Enfield motorcycle is a wet-dream for many of these youngsters; their first-class ticket to masculinity.
In my experience, I have seen all kinds of RE owners, from ultra-rich to rock-bottom poor who saved every penny to buy his dream bike. Even women aspire to own an RE, as is the case with one of my childhood female friends who has an RE Classic. On the age group front, I have seen equal enthusiasm from both young-blood types and middle-aged men (for nostalgic reasons), wanting to own an RE bike.
I think for a lot of RE owners, their bike becomes a prized possession and an extension of their personality, ego and self-identity. Some turn their RE ownership into a full-time passion and customize their motorcycle to the best of their taste and budget.
I have met many bikers who swear by their Royal Enfield bike, so much so that they declare all other motorcycles except RE to be plastic. For them, a Royal Enfield motorcycle is the real deal and the rest have no soul. A real man rides an RE. Later on, the same guys will go onto upgrade to an expensive motorcycle when they have the money.
I have made an interesting observation during my travels across different States in India. I have seen a correlation between higher masculinity, abrasive behaviour, ego in local men and more Royal Enfield motorcycles on the streets—with loud exhaust pipes, blaring horns, powerful lights, etc. Is it just me?
Anyhow, I would say that the decision to buy an RE bike should be taken from the heart, not mind. I always enjoyed riding an RE at slow speeds and I would love to own one for its unique characteristics. Generalizations aside, the old RE bikes have a certain charm that cannot be explained.
The fully-geared (safety-first) biker
This is easy. The fully-geared bikers are those who go around lecturing others on the importance of wearing riding gear at all times. Their secret sauce to being a smart and safe rider is "all-gears-all-the-time" even if it is just a ride to the nearest corner at dead speed. For them, a true biker is one who wears all safety gears at all times—from top to bottom—even when the outside temperature reaches 50 degrees Celsius. However, I have seen the same folks making exceptions for themselves when nobody is watching.
Sure, riding gears are for safety but what many of them won't tell you is that riding gears make them look cool too. What I've personally observed is that many of these riders wear safety gears purely for aesthetic reasons, for attention. Let me explain, the professional-looking rugged boots, the bulging knee protectors and the broad shoulder pads turn even a fat-fu*k into a muscular Sparta lookalike from the Hollywood movie 300. One can go from a 'loser' to a 'warrior' instantly in the right fitting gear.
After all, the phrase "women like men in uniform" exists for a reason. I've seen women paying more attention to fully-geared men when they get off their motorcycles. So, riding gears have become a fashion accessory for some.
The topic of riding gears and safety becomes a touchy subject for me, especially when the wisdom comes from cocky and low-IQ riders. Yes, safety comes first but at what cost? If safety is your top priority then you shouldn't even be riding a motorcycle in the first place. You are literally sitting on a high-revving engine with 100s of metal parts moving at phenomenal speeds, and a man's balls literally scratching against a fuel tank filled with highly flammable fuel.
Moreover, you are putting your entire body at risk as you have to constantly balance your two-wheeler against so many odds. This is even more true in countries like India where roads are filled with dangerous potholes, humps, and idiots all around trying to run you over. Oh, don't forget the expensive gadgets you carry in your pocket and backpack, what will happen to them if you have a fall? Even gadgets are not safe on a motorcycle. :(
Bikers who believe that wearing riding gears automatically makes them smarter and safer while they look down on others as morons, I call them little pocket-friendly versions of dictators like Hitler, Mussolini, etc. It's just that they never got an opportunity and the power to enslave masses who disagreed with their opinion. This kind of bikers remind me of typical Indian parents who think that they always know what's best for you - from choosing your underwear to choosing your wife. They don't get the concept of individual liberty and the freedom to choose his or her own risk exposure basis one's own risk appetite, speed, traffic sense, motor skills, and road sense.
These bikers forget that their own father and grandfather probably rode a scooter/motorcycle once in simple cotton shorts, using their skill, courage, and common sense as the first line of protection. In reference to such safety-first bikers, I would say that their idea of safety is as limited as their motorcycling experience with a strong urge to speak more and listen less. Their logic is something like "put your fingers around a fire but don't forget to always apply some cream first." Why play with fire in the first place?
As if everyone in the motorcycling world has gone to the same university and got programmed to say the same thing, their opinions on riding gears sound like the standard questions and answers at a job interview. You know what they are going to ask and you know what you are going to say. Both employer and employee know that they are bullshitting each other.
Motorcycle safety depends on a lot of factors and riding gear is just one of them (and not the most important one). If safety is so important then get a car. There is no end to wearing safety gears of all kinds. You can literally cover yourself up in a protective spacesuit, but will you be able to comfortably ride like that in tight traffic? Not really unless you want to ride a rocket to the Moon.
Safety is a must, always preferable, but the subject of safety with riding gears is much more complex than what many realize. Every rider should use riding gear proportional to his/her own skills, experience, needs, and risk appetite, but if safety is everything then quit motorcycling.
Click here to read my article 'Why riding gears do not save you' where I explain the pros and cons of riding gears and other factors related to riding safety.
So, in short, the fully-geared safety-first bikers are those riders who believe that safety always comes first while they willingly choose to get into a dangerous hobby (of riding high-powered motorcycles). They consider riding gears as the ultimate insurance against accidents while ignoring all other factors (like their lack of self-awareness) contributing to motorcycle crashes. Like a call center employee who has been trained to memorize and repeat the phrase "How may I assist you?" day-in-day-out, these safety-first bikers go around repeating the scripted talking points around riding gear safety to everyone.
Disclaimer: Those who are newbies in riding and lack riding abilities and road sense, always wear a reasonably optimal amount of riding gears before rides as the chances of you falling is higher. For experienced riders, use your common sense on what to do.
The splendid Splendors (Indian road runners)
These riders on a Hero Splendor don't give a fu*k, I really mean it, they don't give a fu*k whether you have a Hayabusa or SpaceX rocket. They will race you with absolute confidence, whether it is off-roading, flooded road or a high-speed expressway. I wouldn't be surprised if I see them trying to race a MotoGP bike in a racing circuit one day. Like the road runner, they 'beep-beep' their way into any place, any road, and start racing.
On so many occasions, I would be riding on a highway at a good speed, and out of nowhere, a Splendor would appear on my left trying to race with me in top gear, on full throttle and the rider ducked forward like a pro MotoGP rider. Looking at the rider's confidence, I don't even dare to overtake. Respect! 🫡
I always wondered from where such kind of confidence comes, whether it is the bike or the biker. Maybe confidence comes as complimentary when you purchase a Hero Splendor. These bikers are the real road runners of India. Don't try to stop or race them. Beep-beep.
The Loudspeaker Bikers
These are the type of bikers who have no mercy on your eardrums. The first modification that they do after purchasing a bike is replacing the company-fitted exhaust with a loud one. Their idea of motorcycling is that their arrival should be heard from at least 1 kilometer away. Many of these bikers won't spend a single dime on servicing the bike but they will ensure that their expensive exhaust creates a thunderstorm inside your eardrums and head.
If you want to become mental for free, just befriend a biker with a loud exhaust pipe, especially the ones with a single or twin-cylinder bike. Don't be fooled by one of these loudspeaker bikers if they tell you that they changed the exhaust for performance gains. I have not met a single rider who rides a powerful bike and has utilized beyond 60-70% of its capability. With my 390CC and 650CC bikes, I could easily keep up with litre-class motorcycles on most rides, all I had to do is to do some spirited riding and keep the engine revved up.
Most of these loudspeaker bikers get a loud exhaust for attention, they are literally telling everyone "look at me," "look at me." In my case, I do enjoy loud exhausts on in-line 3 and in-line 4 engines but only momentarily. Once, I traveled to Lucknow from Gurgaon with a friend on a Suzuki Hayabusa with Two Brothers racing exhausts. The mental torture was worse than CIA waterboarding of Al-Qaeda terrorists in Guantanamo Bay. You can read my take on the pros and cons of riding with loud exhausts.
Riders of Harley Davidson (The American Bullet)
Like diamond is precious to women, lots and lots of shining chrome is precious to Harley riders. The application of shiny metals ranges from bike parts to accessories they wear. A Harley Davidson (HD) bike is not just a motorcycle but an entire ecosystem that you buy. You have to have lots of metal, tattoos, and leather as part of your HD equation (if you want to be taken seriously). Exclusivity comes standard when you ride a Harley bike, and if you are part of their paid HOG (Harley Owners Group) biker group then you automatically get upgraded to the Titanium class.
To be a Harley owner, you need a healthy amount of elevated ego, boosted testosterone, the willingness to spread your legs wide apart while you sit in a comfortable sofa position, fat bums, and a fatter wallet. Harley Davidson is the ultimate gateway machine to manhood (for many).
Of course, within the Harley fraternity, you will find further divisions in the types of Harley riders and riding groups. Army veterans will have their own Harley group. The rich (and not so famous) folks with a big belly will have their own group. Then there are the rest. You will find a lot of contrast in Harley group of riders. From fit army folks to tall and fat riders.
As for Harley ownership experience, I have heard horror stories about the reliability of Harley bikes. Even an American Harley Davidson rider (a friend's husband) confirms the recurrent issue of oil leak in his Harley Davidson cruiser. Relatively speaking, these HD motorcycles are not that powerful for their engine size and price. There are also stories of how fast the clutch of HD motorcycles burn out. The weight of these motorcycles in itself is another topic for another day.
For all of the above reasons, I refer to Harley Davidson bikes as American Bullet, the American version of the Royal Enfield Bullet.
The Chapri Biker
Disclaimer: The word 'Chapri' here does not represent the oppressed caste of roof-menders who are also called as 'Chapris' in India. In this website, a 'Chapri' represents a certain type of biker only. |
Bikers in Northern India need no introduction to Chapri bikers. We have seen them, met them, ignored them (when they tried to race with us), and we have watched numerous videos of them getting involved in the dumbest road accidents on social media.
How do we identify a Chapri biker?
Well, the list is long but some of the ways we can spot a Chapri biker are tight skinny jeans, tight skinny canvas shoes, colorful clothes, colorful hair, and a skinny bike that goes zig-zag-zig. It seems like their bike tyres are curly and not designed to go straight.
A lot of them don't wear a helmet despite their dangerous riding. And, most of these Chapri bikers are high on some kind of drug that makes them speed between traffic. The moment they see an expensive bike, their level of Chapriness goes even higher.
It is as if you are in a circus and you have paid them to show off their talent - the talent to lean the bike on a straight road unnecessarily and pass other vehicles by inches until they crash. Surprisingly, most of these Chapri crashes seem to be less severe and they are back to doing street circus in no time.
The average Indian commuter
Everyone sees motorcycling as either a sport or a passion that one chooses consciously out of love for adventure and adrenaline. What about millions of riders across India and the world who ride a motorcycle every single day out of necessity—to go to work or to deliver food and goods—as a bike is all they can afford to buy? How would you classify these bikers?
Would it be fair to disqualify them as bikers because they have not purchased a bike out of passion or to pursue the hobby of motorcycling? The daily commuters could be easily clocking way higher miles on the odometer each month than a city biker doing weekend rides and occasional tours.
Even if we want to reserve the definition of 'biker' to a specific group of motorcycle enthusiasts, can we be certain that all daily commuters are riding a bike out of necessity? Maybe, many of them actually love to ride? Perhaps, some of them use their motorcycle for commuting and as a hobby. Also, is it a prerequisite to wear riding gears to be considered a serious biker?
The short answer is that we can never know how one uses a motorcycle and it would be unwise to define a biker based on how it is run.
The mile muncher
These are those long-haul riders who believe in spending more time on the road than with family and friends. Either they live on their father's money or they have a strong desire to never save even for present, forget the future. Their biggest achievement is in having very high numbers (digits) on their bike's odometer, not the bank (balance) numbers.
A lot of them cover these large distances over a decade or two and then there are a few who can do a few circles around the globe in a year. Some spent a significant part of their life chasing money to finally take up long-distance riding as a full-time hobby at a later age. Then there are a few famous ones and influencers who get sponsored to go around countries and continents.
I have come across social media posts from a few bikers who boast of doing lakhs and lakhs of kilometers on their bikes. I have also met a few bikers who do about 25,000 km in a year and nobody gets to even know about it. Whatever the numbers be, mile munchers are always on the run burning rubber, fuel, and money.
The art collector
Well, you must have guessed it, just like some people collect art in the form of paintings and artifacts, some collect motorcycles, just because they can. Some of these stories of bike collectors are from my own city. I know someone through someone who has parked over 10 bikes in his house, collecting dust. He doesn't have time or passion to ride them. And, there is another guy who has purchased my friend's bike to add to his list of 17 other motorcycles.
It's not that difficult to guess that these guys have lots of money just as an art collector would; the only difference is that art pieces appreciate with time but bikes depreciate. At one point, even I had 3 motorcycles at the same time, not because I had lots of money but because I was stupid.
The art collector bikers are hard to find and even rarer to see them on the road, riding a motorcycle.
The cock(y) biker
A cocky biker is a rider who has this constant urge to prove that he has the biggest cucumber in the world. In all honesty, the truth must be the other way around. In fact, he is constantly trying to compensate for the lack of quality with quantity and bling. And, he does this through his possessions; a motorcycle.
Such riders go for the best-of-best motorcycles (within their budget) that scream power. They will go for the largest (cubic capacity) engine size that their budget allows, even if its power output is unusable. They will make a purchasing decision based on how a motorcycle looks and how others perceive it. They do not care whether the motorcycle fits their riding style or it is comfortable to ride.
They will go for a motorcycle that has an impressive specsheet that they can boast to others, it doesn't matter whether they can utilise even 50% of its capabilities. They will go for the meanest-looking motorcycle that produces the loudest sound. They want a head-turner.
They use their motorcycle as a weapon to yield respect from others and impose their superiority on others, intentionally or unintentionally. No, it has nothing to do with their passion for motorcycles or to put their riding skills to use, mere ownership gets them the license to seek attention and respect from the masses.
Some of them constantly try to put a fellow biker down through direct and indirect insults.
Beware: there is a bit of this 'cock(y) biker' in all of us.
The networker
I never thought of motorcycling and joining motorcycle groups as a way to network with high-net-worth individuals for status or business opportunities. But, I was in for a shock when one of my acquaintances made the decision to buy a Harley Davidson so he could network with and meet high-net-worth potential future clients.
As time progressed, I realized that a lot of bikers were indeed aligning themselves with other individuals and groups on the basis of status, access, future usefulness, and bragging rights. So, my acquaintance wasn't entirely wrong. In fact, most bikers are chasing everything else but the pure pursuit of motorcycling.
So, do not be surprised if you befriend bikers who speak to you in a certain way and are entirely different with others.
Conclusion
You and I can conclude that Earth is the best planet in the entire universe because we haven't been outside this globe. However, there can be a multiverse with better people, aliens and systems. Likewise, there is no one type of rider/biker who can be called real and rest fake. It is only when we explore beyond our own is when we understand the variety of riders out there. Let's accept and appreciate every bit of riding, every style of riders and every kind of bikes available to us.
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